Once Upon a Time, There Was a British Guy…

Once upon a time there was a 42-yo woman who dated a 42-yo man. 😀

This guy was from England. He was nothing spectacular…I was trying to downgrade my usually high standards, so Average Joe reaped the benefit of my, um, focus.

This guy asked me to be his ‘girlfriend’ on date #3, which should be a red flag for any gal (and it was for me), but I’m a curious observer and you have to open door #2 if you want to know what’s behind door #3. 🤔 So I smiled and said, “Sure.”

Eventually the little guy riggled his clothes off to reveal an uncircumcised, micro-pinkie. I was in awe…not in the good way.

Watching him try to fit a condom was akin to me wrapping my fist in a plastic, grocery store bag. Needless to say, no sex happened ever. I still can’t figure out his deal. Was he gay? Did he have an STD? Run-of-the-Mill erectile dysfunction? Did I dodge a bullet? Most likely. He admitted to having regular, um, issues.

You might be wondering…Did I end the Ole Brit? Well, I did, but not for the reason you might expect.

One evening, we were on our way to dinner. I elected to buy. It was my turn; I’m egalitarian. He asked me to turn on the music and handed me his phone. As I select a song, he receives a flirty text message from…Priscilla. I hand him the phone. Suddenly, he is less chatty. I watch him while talking about the weather. Finally, he blurts out, “I guess I need to address this.” I reply, “Only if you want to.” He stutters through an explanation of how she was just a friend. Little did he know…I did not care. After all, Priscilla wasn’t gettin’ any, either. 😆 So I got our steaks and continued to chat as I enjoyed his discomfort. All through dinner, I watched him force feed himself. We watched t.v. I played my guitar. We went to sleep. We woke up. He made me coffee. He ‘explained’ some more. I reassured him. I left. Soon, he asked me on a date. I said, “No, thank you.” He asked me if I would ever see him again. I said, “Maybe.” Because who doesn’t enjoy a good cliff-hanger?

Why did I stop dating him? Because he had a flaccid, micro-penis? Because he was dating another woman? Because he was dishonest about his intentions?

What do you think?

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Published by analyticalperspective

Heather Blackwell is a CBT-certified mental health coach and Psychology subject matter expert (SME), dedicated to bringing Psychology insights to the self-help community. She studied two masters degrees in the areas of Forensic Psychology and MFT, and has 15+ years’ experience in behavioral analysis under her skill belt. Her discussion topics include, but are not inclusive to, dating experiences, interpersonal relationships, maladaptive behavioral development, self-identity development, self-help, holistic mind-body health, and nutrition as it applies to mental wellness.

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