For some, meeting 1000 people for a first date is extreme. Well, I’ve dated close to 2000 men from 2007 to present.
How did I do that?
Sometimes I went on 2-3 dates per day. I definitely dated multiple times per week.
Now for some of the men who are listening (and possibly some of the women who are listening) you might be saying, “I bet that bitch went on all those dates to get a free meal.” To which I reply, “No cunts. I went on all those dates to observe human behavior, to practice playing mental chest with narcissists, to hopefully find a man worth spending my time, to entertain myself, and admittedly sometimes to get laid.
So what happened From 2007 to Now?
A lot has happened. In 2006 I had just divorced. I was in my mid-twenties. And I didn’t know a whole lot about life.
I had led a pretty sheltered childhood. I got married early and my marriage lasted 5.5 years. Well, I didn’t want to make that same mistake again. If I were to endeavor upon another relationship, I wanted to make sure that the person I chose was a good fit for my personality, my character, and my values. To be honest, in 2006 (and really into the middle of my 30s) I didn’t know who I was in order to choose a complimentary partner. I didn’t know what I wanted. I had a low self-esteem. For those early years, I had a fractured self-image. A fractured self-identity. Low self-worth And all I really wanted was to be loved. The main focus, the main goal in life was to find love.
So in 2006, I started mental health counseling, because I knew I needed some kind of help. I knew that there was something just not quite right about the way my life was going. There was this empty feeling that I didn’t understand. I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong. But, in 2006, I knew that if I was going to have a healthy, loving relationship (since that was what I aspired to) that I would need to figure out and fix what was wrong in me before I could be good for anyone else. So that’s why I started mental health counseling, and I learned a lot about myself.
It gave me hope, going to mental health counseling, and working through those empty places within myself, so much that I decided to get a master’s degree in forensic psychology.
So I began studying maladaptive behavior in humans and how to resolve that maladaptive behavior and to find solutions. This endeavor led me to studying my master’s in marriage and family therapy, so that I could understand not just the different ways of maladaptive behavior, but the origin of maladaptive behavior.
All this new knowledge helped center me, helped give me a secure self-identity. I finally understood where the emptiness was coming from and I finally understood how to eradicate that emptiness so that when I finally did eradicate the emptiness, my goal in dating changed. I no longer felt lonely. I no longer felt that love was my main purpose or that finding love was my main purpose in life.
My perspective changed, so that I observed dating as a complement to my life. Now, I knew that if I were to add someone to my life, that the person would not be the center of my world, but that the person would be someone to share experiences with, someone to enjoy life with. It was important within the context of a relationship that I would still be me and I would have my own self-identity and so would my partner (if that partner ever came along). However, once I was into my late 30s and early 40s, I realized that the majority of the men I dated had the same issues I had been struggling with in my early to mid 20s. And so it wasn’t easy for me to date anymore. And the focus wasn’t on me changing myself to fit someone else. Instead, I realized that there aren’t many men who can fit my character, values, or my lifestyle.
So why am I still single? I like being single. I enjoy my time with myself In fact, I once told a date this, “If you want to continue dating me, you will have to demonstrate to me how spending my time with you is more valuable than spending my time with myself.” I haven’t found a man yet who is worthy of achieving that particular goal, and that’s okay. I have met a lot of interesting men along my dating journey. For most dates, I had a lot of good conversations with these men. I’ve learned a lot about them to appreciate their individual humanity.
I’ve also met a few pretty scary individuals and I met a lot of sad individuals who are still trying to figure it all out.
So, this podcast is about all the things I learned along my dating journey in respect to love, relationships, sex, the self, and self-healing.
If you want to hear about my wanton, freewheeling escapades, and what I learned… Stay tuned.